Have you ever told your partner how unhappy you are? How did it go?

Here’s some of what I’ve written down: I am tired of accepting the bare minimum from you. When I say that I mean as 1) a husband and partner, 2) As a father, and 3) as a contributor to this household.

  1. I truly feel like you don't love me. I have reflected on it so often, but I can't discern your true feelings. I can't think of anything that you do to show me that you love me. You don't say it. You don’t show any sort of affection towards me. You don't ever touch me, unless it's for sex, which frankly doesn't count. And touch is my love language. That is what makes me feel loved. You don't enjoy spending time with me, that has been made painfully clear. I have no problem with you going out, but when you do go out to have fun, you prefer to have fun with other people. even when we’re at home , we don’t spend time together. Not to say that we need to spend all our time together, that's ridiculous. But we are both indifferent to each other. I don't want that for us.

2 & 3. Another issue is our division of household duties. We both work full time, but I am additionally the manager and the worker in our home. I am the only parent in our home. You could go the whole day without saying a word to our daughter. I've seen it, many times. You show no interest in having a relationship with her. You show no interest in wanting to get to know her and help me shape the person she becomes. You say you'll do projects and I'll do cleaning? Well I'm cleaning something every day to keep up and spend 4+ hours on it throughout the weekend. What projects have you done lately? The gutters need cleaned. They will need cleaned multiple times every spring and fall. Do I need to nag you to get it done? The furnace filter should be changed every 3 months, is that my responsibility? To do it or to remind you to do it? There are a million things on my mind every day.

The gist, my needs in our relationship are not being met. I feel incredibly alone. I feel like an afterthought. Like I want to tell you that bike riding sounds fun and I would totally do that. But you don't want to do that with me. If you wanted to include me, you would have. (He recently bought a bike out of the blue, thats the context around this comment). You want to do that with someone else. And that's just an example, it's not like bike riding is super important to me. But it hurts me that I'm lower than an afterthought here; you didn't even think of me at all.

What I really want to ask you is if you want to help me work through these things, which will require work on your part too. Or if it’s time for me to focus on my happiness alone.

/r/askwomenadvice Thread Parent