I totally understand how you feel, and I have a story to tell that lead up to that feeling. I am 39, turning 40 in May, and not-so-recently ago, missed the biggest and most important opportunity of my entire life. Since birth I have been battling constant handi-caps, and treated like a human Ginnie Pig by doctor's. I coasted through life, never had a girl friend (missed or stupidly pushed away opportunities), or even attempted to earn a degree. However, I have many, many, accomplishments to be proud of. I am a musician, amateur photographer, have many technical skills, and have become very articulate. And I also have a loving family and groups of musical and working friends that do support me. I also have a history of traveling across Ontario with family (never alone), and even in the U.S. with family and friends (never alone). Over a year ago I decided to try something really difficult, and change myself to be a better man. I have always been at home (never lived on my own, and when I tried, got really sick), and wanted to try a difficult college program which would lead to a high paying job, a pension, house, girl friend, and all the perks people are proud of. And also, to really work out hard, and be physically strong. I took Human Resource Management at a local community college, and ended up with the greatest group of post-grad colleagues I could ever ask for. They supported me, and even let me into their social group. I went to the bar and restaurants about thirteen times, and especially befriended a sweet heart of a woman, in her mid to late twenties, who is in a relationship. During the first semester I worked extremely hard, and did well, though I never hit the gym. Constantly second guessed myself. But the second semester was absolute hell. Something bad happened in my family life, my anxiety got out of control, and I started to lose my strength and ability to get along with others. When my colleagues asked me what was wrong, I pushed them away. Especially the sweet heart friend (called two them that). However, at the very end, when we graduated, she gave me a big chance to try something totally different. My colleague was very successful at her placement, and got a high paying job in a far away Province. During the second semester my professor kept yelling at me to "Stop living in your head!", and that's exactly what I was doing. At the end, my professor gave a big speech about what we should do at the end of college. Including travel. What I did not understand, was that he was laying out a plan for ME. In front of the entire class. He talked about how girls go "on the pill" after graduation, and told me constantly to see the sweet heart woman. I missed the biggest opportunity of my life when I didn't know I was supposed to follow her and her fiance to their new home, and help them get settled, and start a new life with them. Including lots of endless pleasure and sex with her. Maybe even things like paragliding, or skydiving. Plus seeing a musician friend in the same province who gave me a musical nickname. And the sweetheart had constantly talked sexually around me the entire school year, but I just didn't understand. When I didn't go, she seemed upset, but later gave me a second chance when she told me on social media the door was open. But I never went. I mis-understood thinking she was a threat, as we had grown apart during the second semester. Even all my colleauges were wondering why I wasn't going. I just stuck around the area, looked for employment opportunities, and eight months later, am still unemployed, and living at home. And even worse, I lamented on facebook. About a month ago when I finally realized what I had missed, I asked her for more chances, but she said "so sorry", and has since ignored me. Can't blame her after all the stupid lamenting. That was the BIGGEST opportunity of my life, and one I will never see again. Even worse, I failed the HR professional designation test, and completely destroyed my chances to see her, and her wedding in Hawaii. I didn't live with her, make love to her, or anything. And because of all this, I got into prescription stimulants not long after school, lost considerable weight, and have become weaker and dumber than I was before starting college. She, and the others, were offering me a chance to find myself, before I officially hit mid-life. Something to be very proud of. Even if I did go after the winter ends, and just surprise her, it won't be the same. She is fully established now, and without my involvement. I am trying to move on, but this is a very bitter pill to swallow. And even worse, my parents are aging, and I live with them on an old farm. I envisioned having her as a life long friend, and seeing each other back and forth so I wouldn't die a lonely man on the farm like my mother's uncle Harry did (strangely, he has a similar story).

Sorry about the very long post. This is my first ever on Reddit, and I don't like talking like this. But I happened upon this thread, and thought I would say this. Before realizing what I missed, I went down a different path. I have played in constant musical events, and made lots of network connections. But never have I "found myself", and stayed in the same area, and slept in the same bed. I am in my "comfort zone", and that is the sole reason why I didn't realize what I was missing. I destroyed everything I wanted to accomplish. But I have to keep going. I need to keep trying for myself. And as for the girl, she is not the only one in this world. I still have many friends, and family, to be proud of. But talk about a huge missed opportunity. I am proud of what I have, but very depressed because of what I missed. Just time for me to move forward somehow.