I just posted this last night on my Facebook page. It was my way of saying goodbye for now to my friends and family. As a severe depressionist, I can accept that my pain causes others pain as well. That's what fuels a desire to isolate myself, bc I don't want to hurt anyone. Anyone who stands by someone who is suffering from depression, shows them the love and comfort they need, are truly heroes. And I appreciate all these people.
*"When someone suffers from severe depression they aren’t the only ones in pain, the people who love them suffer as well. It can be hard to admit, especially to those loved ones, because you tell yourself they will interpret it as they don’t make you happy, and the last thing you want to do is cause pain to someone else.
I’ve been having a hard time the last couple of months. I was embarrassed of my sadness, my grief and pain, all my life, so I think I did what most people in my situation do: we focus on making others feel good. One of the best feelings I have ever felt was when I could make someone else laugh. I think I told myself that as long as I was making someone else, anyone else, happy it could help my pain. But it doesn’t. It is treating the symptoms and not the infection itself.
I just want to urge everyone right now, if you’re feeling sad or lonely or hurt or ignored, please vocalize it, don’t internalize it. I did the latter for too long and now I’m in a position where it’s hard to even recognize myself.
I want to tell everyone with all honest sincerity, I am not someone who would hurt myself. Or anyone else. At least not physically. Emotionally and verbally, yes I am guilty of hurting a lot of people those ways, even myself included. I am the type of person though to go dark, and remove myself from the grid for a while. In all cheesy soundingess, I need to work on me. And social media is just too big of a distraction.
I love you all, and I’ll be back, sooner or later. I’m gonna think of a really great joke to make my return with. And I hope it can make someone laugh, especially someone who could really use a good one. Take care everyone.
P.S. If you can love the person who disgusts you, you are a stronger being than most."*