my mounting failures and sheer inability to abide by my religions standards. my inability to be a ‘good person’ made me suicidal. i realized that true or no, this religion would be the death of me, so i took a time out. during that time out phase, i was able to reevaluate verything about my life, and i ultimately came to the conclusion i would no longer follow the religion, because it was too corrupted by man. didnt help any, and it took over 6 years to overcome crippling depression and suicidal tendencies. news flash, dedicating your entire life to a religion, and then realizing no, you arent going to die for this religion, really fucks you up. its unfortunte that i couldnt leave the religion by any oher means then me ‘failing’. but oh well at least it happened sooner rather than later.

too an extent, im still religious, but now its something deeply personal, 1 on 1, and i will never know the right of it. i only know ill spend the rest of my life trying to be the good guy, and any higher power will be ble to sort out the rest.