I know I do. I obviously have some anger issues that I need to resolve. Feeling remorseful won't solve that, I need to get to the core of what I did, and make sure I resolve that so this never happens again. I know it's not as simple as 'I just won't do it again', because I obviously let myself lose control. I need to figure out how to handle my anger in a healthier way.

Right now I don't even want him to forgive me, at least not yet. I'd feel even shittier then, because I don't deserve it. I messaged him about how inexcusable my behavior was, and that I'm sorry, and that I'll step away for a while to give him space, and I told him that he can take his time and let me know when he's able to talk to me again.