Rant: I “cut back” to 2,091 calories yesterday, but aimed for 1,500…I suck at eating that little! Ugh! Why does my hunger depend on what I am used to, and not what I need, even when I need a break? I wouldn’t gain weight if I were extremely active, and I would lose rapidly on 2,091 if I were extremely active like I used to be, and can’t do anymore, but that is 591 above what I burn being too sedentary.

Another rant: I can work out more. I keep saying I will, convincing myself my appetite will match my metabolism even if I am sedentary, and gaining even when I don’t binge…yes I have BED, so I gain more when I binge, and losing even half of that binge weight when I relapse, sucks. No wonder I have kept gaining even when I try…lovely. I am still struggling. My body used to want to keep a stable weight, but now, if I listen to my hunger, I just gain. I may have to eat mechanically and remind myself that my hunger/satiety signals are fucked…for now.