Got a new job in a different city some months ago. Needed a new place to live quickly and a friend said her friend had an opening near the city's university, basically just a college house. Sounded cheap and convenient enough but then my friend said it was all girls (7 of them). Fair enough, thought it wouldn't work out, but apparently my friend's friend said no one cared and I'm pretty relaxed about that stuff so I checked the place out and the ladies seemed fine so I said I was in.
Have my own set of friends and life or whatever so pretty much just resigned myself to let them do their thing and I'll live my own life and keep interactions to a minimum since it was a bit of an odd situation. Turned out they were really nice and fun girls and I ended up getting to know them pretty well, even kind of got them into my friend group and things were going great. They all had boyfriends and mostly settled life so it was never awkward really. Honestly ended up really loving my living situation.
In particular there was one roommate that I really hit it off with. We have really similar interests, she has a great sense of humor and even though I didn't know her that long she legitimately became my best friend. It was kind of crazy. Like we did stuff together all the time, went to fun parties, it was honestly a blast. I was really happy to have made such a good new friend and it gave me a bit of a pop in my step when normally I'm kind of a somber guy.
Anyway you can probably see where this is going but a few weeks ago we went out to a bar with some friends and ended up drinking a ton and doing a bunch of coke and then hooked up. She really isn't the most faithful girlfriend (long distance relationship) in the first place but obviously that doesn't really matter and immediately all of our good friendship and my entire living situation is shattered. We pretty much stop talking for a few days because its so shitty and awkward until she texts me talking about how much of a shitty person she is, how she ruined everything and she's really sorry so I go to her room and we kind of work it out.
But it's still weird and we still don't really talk until I run into her and I tell her that a mutual friend of ours is coming over and it would be cool if she wanted to hang out with us. She says sure, things seem pretty normal. We all start drinking a ton and our friend gets blacked and ubers home and then we fucking do it again. This time after we really talk about what's going on and she says she really likes me, but she really loves her boyfriend, and she's an awful person for putting me into that situation. Bleh. I tell her nah, it's me, I should have more integrity, don't be so hard on yourself. We talk awhile but it still doesn't get anywhere so we say we will talk when we're sober the next day.
We don't talk for days again, its awful. Eventually all my roommates go out for one of their birthdays and I am feeling very overwhelmed so I invite some friend over to party since I have the house to myself and to blow off some steam. Get on another level by the time they come back and then the two of us are the last ones up. We go to my room to talk again.
This time I have good intentions. I know her boyfriend, he's a nice guy, I'm doing a horrible thing, I plan to just tell her let's ignore all that shit and go back to normal. Actually thought that would work. At first it goes well and we're getting along but then she says her boyfriend is coming down this weekend and I get a little panicked. I say that she needs to inform me of these things and I need to get out of the house when he's around. This does not go over well.
She seems to think there is no reason it should ever be weird when we're both around and that if we want to go back to normal I have be normal in every circumstance. I tell her this dude doesn't give a fuck about me and doesn't care whether I'm ever around and I'm not going to face all the guilt head on like that. I'm getting the fuck out if he's around. Whole thing dissolves into a shouting match and she leaves my room at like 2:30AM.
I have officially had too much of all this and I text her today and say we need to work this shit out it's ridiculous. Been about 6 hours now and no dice from her. Yikes. Anyway just wanted to rant because this is really been fucking me up. Can't work, weird around friends, feel so guilty. I know I'm a shitty person and that I am doing a terrible thing so I'm not really looking for advice or anything, just genuinely needed to rant a bit on an anonymous internet forum. But the worst part is she was my best friend and the coolest person I've ever met and I have completely ruined it and it's not coming back. I'm devastated. Fuck sake we're still roommates for 4 more months