I'm in a similar situation to the OP, except with an Internet friend who lives in another country and who I've never actually met in person (but have known for the better part of a decade). Her mum has cancer and I don't know many details, but I don't think the situation is very positive. :/ I really want to send my friend something, but I don't know what sorts of gift cards etc. would work for her country. Feel quite powerless. :/ I am doing the last bit you mentioned (assuring her I'm here for her, giving her space and letting her lead conversations on her own terms), but that basically means that we aren't speaking at all, and that triggers a lot of insecurity for me. So it's like I feel terrible for her, but also quite resentful towards her (which I know is shitty given the situation she's in). Don't really know what I can do to help her in the here and now.

Sorry for hijacking your reply to the OP - your comment just brought up all these feelings for me.