It sounds from your writing, that this has been a fairly recent development. So I’ll give my experience and hopefully it will just give you a chance to see a similar situation from another person’s perspective.
So, when my boyfriend and I were first dating each other (and also other people), before we had decided to be fully monogamous, we each came down with genital HSV1 at the same exact time. Neither of us know where it came from or how we got it. Neither of us have ever had cold sores, nor (to our knowledge) been gone down on by someone with them. Initially, I was pretty upset. I, like may people, had this view that herpes was going to mean the end of my sex life, that it would be persistent and painful, and I worried about whether I could pass it to other areas on my own body as well as my boyfriend’s and people I loved. I called my mom, during my first outbreak to ask what to do. Turns out she also has genital HSV1. She has been married to her husband who doesn't have any form of HSV for well over 10 years. She said to try to relax and not to worry, because outbreaks are rare, and when you do have them there are some tips and tricks to making things more manageable until your antivirals kick in and they go away. She let me know that she takes her antivirals when she feels there may be an outbreak coming on and that they tend to clear up in a couple of days if you are on it. She also reminded me 1 in 4 women will have HSV1 by the time they’re 40; join the club. It’s a huge farce that we (Americans, don’t know about other countries) choose to hide that fact behind shaming and stigmatization.
Wow. That was a huge load off of my shoulders.
So here I am, today. I have a preemptive prescription for Acyclovir, which I have used once since my initial outbreak, but more out of concern due to my boyfriend having a tiny (one blister) outbreak that he was able to stop immediately with his antivirals. While at first, like you, our sex drives were also a bit in the toilet (feeling like an abnormal, dirty, diseased person will do that to you), we are now having sex regularly, almost as if it had never happened. We go down on each other, knowing that there is a chance that someone might end up with cold sores, but you know, we might end up with them one day, anyway. We have mostly had unprotected sex (hence how we shared this in the first place), but even if we had used a condom, while our chances may have been lowered passing it to each other, there is no guarantee we wouldn't have gotten it anyway (Think about all the surfaces that touch during sex. Unless you are extremely careful, not all of them are going to be covered all the time.).
Any who, hopefully in time you will both feel a bit more normal about the situation and things will go back to normal for you. You are definitely right that having unprotected sex again is ultimately going to be a choice you two are going to have to make, together. No amount of internet research or OBGYN is going to make that choice for you. One thing I can tell you, though, is that you aren't weird, gross, dirty, bad, wrong, or any of those other nasty synonyms. And neither is your boyfriend. Things will get better. :)