I will never understand why people do this. I do not understand the satisfaction people get out of sending these. Then again, my sole experience with sending a dick pic was deeply traumatizing.

I had never sent an unsolicited dick pic, until one night, lying in bed, when my wife started talking about her friend's struggles with online dating, and revealed that she (my wife) had never received even one dick pic. She proudly proclaimed that she exuded an aura that suggested that to send her a dick pic would be to invite one's own murder.

Meanwhile, I quietly maneuvered my phone into position. I listened to her, and when she had made her point, I told her that she was right.

And then I sent it. An unsolicited dick pic. A flaccid, unsolicited dick pic. This was taken in the heat of the moment - I didn't have time to stage anything if I was going to get maximum effect. It was not a flattering angle, and the lighting was terrible. There was more testicle than dick in the frame. I couldn't have taken a worse dick pic if I had tried.

After punching my arm like it was her job, we had a good laugh and went to bed.

The next day, she sent me a text. I was on a packed train on the way to work, surrounded by people that work at the same hospital as me. I opened my phone, opened the text, and inadvertently flashed the preceding message - the unflattering dick pic - at myself and several people standing behind me. I had not had my coffee yet. I was wholly unprepared. From behind me, I heard a familiar giggle and speech I could not understand. It was a coworker from my department - a Chinese scientist who speaks little English.

I do not know how flaccid dick fetish translates into Chinese, but I am quite certain I heard it whispered for weeks in my place of work.