Several great answers on here already.

Tinder isn’t Match.com. It’s physical attraction that precipitates a swipe 9.78/10.0 (Can you say fuck on Reddit?)

Basically, you want to appear as fuckable as possible to those swiping on your profile. Frankly, your dog and his toy is the only thing worth keeping on your bio at the moment.

Because:

Man. Dog. Responsibility. Money. Ambition. Winner. Primate brain: Oh fuck yeah, bust inside me.

First impressions 101, friend. Don’t speak negatively about yourself - or about anything for that matter. Cast a wide net…(A fisherman doesn’t have to get his beanbag fondled by every fish he catches. It’s the thrill of the chase.)

…How many female stoners are there on Tinder that listen to the Halo 3 ODST official video game soundtrack exclusively while high. Probably not a lot.

Always be closing. There is no spoon.