This is a sick joke right? You've got to be kidding...

Let's break this down.

First off you're a employer yet you're calling this guy doofus? Do you have any self respect or pride as an employer?Probably not. Should we should assume you're the doofus because you can't handle an employee? I don't even want to get into the fact your talking about a employee and making the claim that he might be autistic.

Do you have a business or a hobby? You say here that finding good workers if hard, yet here you mention not having the capital to pay someone properly. How do you pay this guy? How can you offer him raises if you can't pay someone else properly? The answer is you pay him peanuts and expect top quality in terms of professionalism and product which is a joke.

If can't afford to pay someone properly to build your product that means one of two things.

Raise your prices or do it yourself.

What is your branding? I don't mean some article written ten years ago -- I mean right now. What are your plans for social expansion and growing business? Why are trade shows so damn important? Why do you have to choose between a print ad or paying someone as your friend mentioned here

I tell you what this all boils down to.

You don't have the capital to pay anyone properly and you have zero marketing outside of 6+ hour emails and trade shows.

I hope someone can give you the advice you want because no one should lose what their baby; however the problem here is your incredulous attitude.