Uhhmmm I really think I wrote this, too. I relate with it all. The resume that looks like a patchwork quilt of different industries, the shallow or non existent social circle, the distance from co-workers, the job hate, the late blooming SO, the pushing people away, all of it. I've been with my SO ten years now (I'm 43) and he's the best relationship I ever accidentally got into.

I feel like I run away from everything, as if I'm getting out just as everyone starts discovering that I'm actually an idiot.

Do you mean like a fear of "getting found out" aka exposed for a fraud? I get that, too - remnants of the deep shame I carry.

By 'running away' I not only mean the times I find reasons for not talking with someone any more or not finishing a project I set out to do, but I suspect that there are things that I'm doing that I'm not aware of. Many people, in social or work situations, seem to leave me behind, sometimes after giving me a lot of praise for the things I've done.

What things are you doing that you're not aware of? Or is that a dumb question because you don't know? Genuinely curious because maybe I'm doing them too.

My therapist has suggested that I'm experiencing normal social issues. It just seems to happen so much, and keeps me from setting roots down anywhere.

It definitely sounds normal to me but then I'm like that too. Maybe it's very normal for survivors of abuse.

Now my resume is a giant blob of chaos that would frighten Eris.

Same. Idk if this tells potential employers that I'm very versatile or very wishy washy.

Am I just scattered? Has anyone else experienced this and is it connected with the influence of narcissism?

I don't think it's really, truly scattered. I think it's probably pretty normal. As survivors of abuse I think we're pretty shattered right from the start, so a little self preservationI know that I myself have this unrealistic expectation of life being this very neat, very clean and very orderly thing and everything fitting nicely in it's own compartments and being balanced all around. This is not the reality I've found but no matter, I keep judging myself by a false expectation. I definitely think that being a survivor of N abuse is a significant factor in my perception of the world, and how I conduct myself in it. For me, my adoption also adds several layers of excitement and intrigue to the mix /s.