I am the sleep talker, and my husband is the sleep horn dog.

My husband says I’ll randomly talk all of the time in my sleep and usually it’s not a lot and he ignores it. But on this one occasion we had just moved into a new apartment, not the best neighborhood and during the first week there the incident happened.

My husband tells me that I started quietly saying “baby do you see the bug?” (Backstory I have a legit phobia of all bugs). I apparently kept saying “Do you see the BUGSSS” even louder. And he asks me where? I scream BABY THE BUGS ARE ON THE CEILING GET THEM” in pure terror and pointing. He proceeds to turn on the lights to find the bugs now freaking out himself. I half start saying again the bugs are on the ceiling, and then at that point with the lights on I realized I was dreaming and talking in my sleep. He keeps asking me where are the bugs, now angry because there are none that he can see, and I groggily tell him shut up and go to sleep. It’s been 5 years and he teases me about it all the time as we’re trying to fall asleep.

His (ongoing) story: he routinely initiates and will have sex completely asleep. After realizing it the first time I now have to ask him multiplication problems (and not the automatic ones) to confirm he is actually awake. Baby what’s 2X2...4 mmkay and what’s 12x4......uhhhh fuck. Yep you’re not awake. Usually in the process of convincing me he is awake, he wakes up and is confused.