I had this happen recently. Friend A (good friend, known her for years) likes to complain about her SIL. I am tired of hearing about it, because she can't unfriend her from life, and she isn't abusive, just sort of white-upper-middle-class-oh-I-have-a-black-friend kind of ignorant, so she needs to learn to deal, but I listen because I love her. Friend A's SIL said she thinks mixed people are beautiful pointedly at my friend, who is half white/half Filipino. My friend takes GREAT offense because she's being called out a little in a group of white people who have no cultural conscious and say whatever the fuck comes to mind. Okay, she's annoyed. She proceeds to tell me and Friend B over text, saying that what she said was "problematic on so many levels. It's like she's saying people of color with only one race AREN'T beautiful." That is where she loses me. Mind you, SIL is an underhanded bitch in general, but what???? How did her saying that say the other thing? ??????????? ????????????

So I say "well, uh, culturally this is the first generation with a significant amount of mixed race people in the U.S., so I don't think it's too terrible to take notice of that. I think they are beautiful, but that doesn't mean I'm saying single-race people aren't." Mind you, I date mostly mixed-race guys (luck of the draw, really). I am mixed. I didn't realize I was being racist all this time, but I'm so glad she told me.

So now I am unsupportive, and she goes off on a bender of calling this woman a cunt and sending us Disney Princess gifs (SIL loves Disney) of the girls saying cunt. She also gets her fiancé in on things. I'm SORRY, but if anyone talked to/about my brother like that, fiancé or not, I would tell someone to step DOWN. My brother is one of my best friends. He is around forever. If you have an issue, deal with it respectfully.

Her view of friendship is not to question a friend, to always support. Mine isn't. I think a friend should be able to call you on your shit without the world ending. Give me some perspective. If I'm fucking up, and I can't see it, TELL ME.