I am very sorry for your loss, if it helps I will tell you some of my life of the past year or so. I hope you can see there is a light at the end. Sorry if it's long but maybe it could help.
Got a job after 4 years unemployment to last only months. Needless to say it wasn't considered a normal role and went way out my comfort zone. Been verbally and emotionally abused my by dad from 4-14 until me and mam moved away. Thing is im 22 and still remember all the shit. Needless to say last September I had a breakdown after I lodt the job due to not meeting targets/ stress of travelling 3 hours per day morning and night to work as work building changed rapidly..
I went to my gp. He didn't seriously take my word at first so I went back on unemployment. I had a breakdown at my job centre and couldn't concentrate/ deal with work over an hour away, my local job centre adviser of all people got the ball rolling that put me on the way to recovery. She said 'are you ok'? And I just said no...went to my gp again, explained I was crying everyday (had done this since I was 12) and felt I couldn't cope with the world. He completely understood and put me on sertraline 50mg, told me to get a sick note, job centre put me on 10 weeks of sickness benefit hoping I'd be better before Christmas.
Although I had been unemployed for years, I have attended many college courses available for free, volunteered in a charity shop the previous summer, it's still sometimes seen that the unemployed do nothing with their time. Completely wrong, it's hell.
After Christmas I was researching different benefits and thank fk I did. Employment support allowance (uk) has given me needed breathing space.
My medication moved to 100mg sertraline daily and no longer do I cry everyday. It's amazing really. I was so used to crying I thought it was a normal thing. My monthly pattern isn't regular so hence I blamed part of the crying on thay, not my past.
Not only do I focus on day today now, I do 20 daily situps/squats if my anxiety gets out of hand. I focus on greeting my dog, morning cuppa, making sure theres food in my belly and talking to my supportive mum and stepdad helps. I only wish there wasn't such a stigma with mental illness as my anxiety prevents me sometimes from doing things deemed easy by others, please seek counselling and talk to your gp about this, I hope you will heal in time just don't kick yourself when you're down and never let someone not call you a champion. Good luck.