I am still processing anger towards my family. Like my dad. He likes to tell people what a hard time I gave him growing up, and how much I would cry as a baby. I felt like shit and always apologized for being such a bad kid. Earlier this year when I realized I was autistic, I told my dad I had found out why I was so difficult as a child and it is called autism. He mocked me and changed the subject. I don't talk to him much anymore.

My grandmother was awful to me growing up, always telling me I was selfish and ugly (ugly from crying and from not smiling as much as my sister). Once she took two sticks of gum and made one look bigger by hiding the other in her hand. When I'd choose the bigger one, she'd open her hand to reveal I had actually chosen the small nub of gum. She'd call me selfish and say "that's what you get for choosing the bigger piece. My dad finally told her to stop treating me badly. As a child, I had NO idea why my relatives hated on me so hard. Once as I sat crying in my mom's car, my uncle came out of his house, stuck his head in the window and said, "Yeah, well I never liked you much either!". I was sooooo confused. Sometimes I heard them talking about how weird I was. A friend of my grandma's once pointed out to everyone present how weird I was for smelling everything before I played with it. I was so mad when I realized others don't process the world the same way I do, because I have beaten myself up for years, believing I was the weird piece of shit others made me feel like I was. Luckily my mom is like me, honest, sensitive to clothing, kind to animals, etc, so she never made me feel weird or different. Now that I know what autism is, I have been trying to get my family to stop picking on my mom about things she can't help. I would very much like to hear about your life, and how your family treats you. I'm 36.