So my platoon sergeant had everyone write a 500 word essay because a couple people showed up late. The topic was the importance of punctuality. Since I didn't really care I decided to embellish and eventually descended into randomness.
Why the World Revolves Around Punctuality By [REDACTED]
Throughout the history of our planet, empires have risen and fallen, lives lost and opportunities squandered and formations missed because of a humans inability to show up on time. As soldiers in the United States Army this rings especially true. Soldiers are professionals, the best of the best. We are expected to perform all assigned tasks to the letter. This is also true for formations. If you were a CEO of a fortune 500 company, would you tolerate your employees arriving to work late or doing heroin in the bathroom? Probably not. Punctuality also relates to combat in ways I can only barely grasp. Imagine yourself surrounded by a tenacious enemy, out of ammunition and water. Waiting on reinforcements who couldn't remember the hard time would sure ruin your day. Being late to anything always results in missed opportunities and sometimes a grim, horrible, and lonely death. With these thoughts in mind, lets delve deeper into the murky depths of tardiness.
Wall street is filled with executives, secretaries and other people who probably don't even have titles (though are still rich). I can't think of a better group of people who are so similar to soldiers. That's why wall street is such a finely tuned machine, oiled with the discipline of a thousand dedicated professionals. If even one of these highly trained and otherwise responsible individuals were to arrive even mere seconds late, the entire backbone of our economy would crumble into a fine metaphorical dust. One can see why the army is such a perfect fit, as it is such a devastating force of perfection and professionalism. A soldiers responsibility to arrive on time and in the right uniform is so great, that I am amazed we all don't collapse into an infinitely dense and small point, also known as a singularity. The army is a business, and business is booming. With an end to a long war looming on the horizon, the pressure to appear relevant and effective is greater than ever. Just as wall street needs people answering phones, the army needs joes to sit around. And you can't sit around effectively if you're late.
In the long and storied history of armed conflict no lesson is more important than bringing your troops into battle on time. The greatest commanders in military history were shining beacons of punctuality. Napoleon, Caesar, Leonidas, Darth Vader, and that creepy guy from Big Trouble in Little China are just a few of the greats. If Leonidas didn't lead his 300 well muscled and scantily clad spartans to defend Greece in time, it would have been a crappy movie. From personal experience, if I had shown up late for a mission I would have been beaten and flogged worse than Jesus in The Passion.
Heed my wisdom dear reader, for mine is an all encompassing knowledge, and as such I am infallible. Punctuality is more important than family, friends, and personal safety. I think punctuality should be the newest army value and certainly the most valued value in the army values. Value. In conclusion just be on fucking time.
TLDR- Dude didn't even read my essay, just like you.