no problem. :) the panic attacks started about 3 years ago, and were bad enough that i wound up in urgent care or hospital 3 times over that period, most recently when i had tried to stop taking ativan (brand name for lorazepam) on my own without the reassurance of a doctors plan for getting off of it. small ones daily and larger ones less frequent. they were to the point where i would often have to leave work or social activities and lay down until they passed, the dizziness and heart pounding would get so bad that i would be unsteady in my chair or on my feet. reflecting on it, the physical discomfort was very serious but was nothing compared to the fear of what was happening, or what was about to happen, and the fear is what would make it really escalate. meditation practice has helped me be ok with the physical sensations, so the fear, while still there, is not allowed to escalate things.

insomnia i've dealt with for about 15 years, during the past 9 i've taken one thing or another to help me sleep, so i'm not really sure anymore how long it takes me to fall asleep naturally. for me this has always been more about sticking to someone else's schedule since i need to punch a clock to eat. left to my own devices i'm sure i'd fall asleep just fine when i felt like it.

i've been off lorazepam totally for 4 days now and am really grateful to have my senses back.

the physical symptoms of anxiety/panic are still there but i've been observing them carefully and i'm developing a pretty solid theory that they're very connected to what i eat. many of the times i've had a bad one, it's been right after eating a rich or low-quality meal, or simply eaten way too much. basically i'm starting to see the anxiety and attacks as a product of some imbalance in my lifestyle or diet, which causes the physical sensations which then escalate into fear. that's probably a tangent for another comment though. :)