Wandered over here as a semi-non-monogamous lesbian.
Thank you for not wanting to be creepy, have some ideas that might help: (Note— will be using “queer women” as a catch-all shorthand for lesbian, bi, trans, poly, queer, etc... women.)
Agree w dating separately for the reasons already mentioned. Some online-specific dating tips to add:
— women dating separately: just be upfront/honest.
— if dating as a couple, consider using poly/kink apps. (SO depressing when trying to find a gay lady relationship and >1/3 of the profiles are m/f couples. Builds resentment. Also a bit violating/creepy, as it’s an invasion into what should be a queer women’s space. (Remember: I only signed up for bumble to see queer women, not couples/men— but couples/men are usually about 1/4 to 1/3 of my feed. It kind of sucks.))
— read profiles and respect (aka AVOID) women who explicitly say “no couples” (there will be lots)
— guys: do not list yourself as a woman interested in women so you can see/swipe through queer women. (Happens OFTEN and is very creepy.)
Be respectful + don’t lie.
— be upfront about your poly/partnered status. (Pretty much all the queer women I know have multiple stories where someone hides this until after lots of texting or even a first/second date. The lie poisons things & wastes everyone’s time.)
— NEVER spring a partner on someone during intimacy. (I once went home with a girl & after shirts were off her boyfriend (whom she had NOT mentioned) casually wandered into the room fully naked. This was initially terrifying (thought I was about to get raped/murdered), then just very violating. Not sure how someone could this this was a good idea, but I have several friends w similar horror stories, so... )
Respect queer women’s spaces.
Cis/het-appearing couples hanging around the local dyke bar or queer women’s events (Dinah, girl parties, etc...) are VERY obvious + almost always creepy unless with a big group of queers. Understand that by looking for a hookup/date at these places, you’re forcing the queer women there to endure the male gaze + be sexualized by men in one of the VERY FEW SPACES that should be free of this. Not great.
Written with love. Good luck my opposite-gender, woman-dating, poly-couple friends. Thank you for wanting not seem creepy. ❤️