The more I think about it, it is true that my sister is definitely better. There have been many years of trying to turn away from that, though I think I've begun to accept it years ago. I thought more about it, and I started to realise that it's not becoming a wannabe or becoming better that bothers me the most. It's the idea of becoming my sister. My sister has many good points, but beside those points, the rest are everything I don't want to be.

When people told me to be more like my sister, I wasn't angry that they believed she was better. I was more angry at the idea of having her bad qualities. I don't want to be rude, annoying and insensitive. I've always hated it when she sees something weird, and feels the need to mock them behind their backs. I've always also hated how ignorant she can be about the world, and that if she's ever wrong, she throws a bitchy fit. I think, when people tell me to be more like her, those are the things that often pop up, and I don't want to be that.

The more I think about it, maybe I wasn't angry. Maybe I was just genuinely disappointed in her and everyone else. Maybe I've associated too much of the small good parts of her to the whole package, that if I thought that if I ever needed to be slim, confident with lots of friends, I'd also need to be an insensitive, ignorant person. But now that I realise that, I don't need to be that to be slim and confident and maybe with a few more friends.

Thanks for the help. I think, I've kinda understood where my problems are now, and that I think I know how I can get over it. Or maybe thinking about all of this has made me become more accepting that I do need to change a bit, to like myself better, but also remembering that there ARE many parts of me that I'd rather have that she doesn't have.