this year i've experienced extreme health anxiety - some chronic pains over the past 3 years led me to believe i had something far more wrong with me than what was. What's worse is the anxiety gave me all kinds of side effects that were worse than the original pains. It gave me new pains. Pulsing and tingling in my fingers. Numbness in my face. Made me active and pacing and nervous wreck to the point i was losing weight or couldn't maintain weight no matter how much i ate. Heart palpitations. Insomnia. A tight throat/lump in my throat for over a month.
I've gone through bouts of thinking i had pancreatic cancer, hyperthyroidism, brain tumors, that i was going to have a heart attack or a stroke, that i had metabolic or autoimmune diseases.
Through this whole time - i've tried my best to be constructive. Eat well but don't obsess over details. Exercise. Have good sleep hygiene. I'm a completely contrary person when it comes ot therapy (and still am a bit b/c i don't like my therapist) but i realized i needed to do something. I meditate and have for months and still not sure i'm doing it right.
I find a balance of avoiding triggers and facing my fears. I've been getting better and working really really hard at getting better, every day.
During this same time i've seen my brother in law's alcoholism go into overdrive and i'm watching my sibling's relationship crumble. He knows he has a problem - at some level. But he won't get help. Wont' talk to anyone. Doesn't exercise, doesn't do anything thta could help him out of the hole he's in. And he's hurting those around him.
he's even been in my house, b/c their washing machine broke, to do laundry - came over here, drank a box of wine and got in an argument with me b/c he thought it would be in good taste to make fun of my 4 year old. (the drunker he gets , he makes mean, "funny" comments that are ridiculously hurtful to everyone around him).
As mad as i was at the situation, my heart goes out to the guy. He's been dealingwith a lot. My sister browbeats every friend and lover or roommate she's ever had to live with. They've had fertility problems and their dreams of having a family was crushed. he's over-worked, has extreme issues with adequacy, worth, and masculinity.
Don't sit there and type like "bro you just need to help them and love them." You unironically sound like my friend, which makes me think you have done this shit to an ex-significant other or you have put pussy (or dick) on a pedestal and don't see them as people, but goals.
When i was a teenager...i did this to my first girlfriend. I put her on the pedestal. And i was controlling, possessive and in general - an asshole. A mixture of how i interpreted "chivalry" and misinterpretted certain modern feminist values, and how i saw myself as the victim and the good guy all at once, combined with how insecure i was.. it was all a toxic combination. I drove her away and losing her and the pain from that made these qualities in me even worse.
it just took time, reflection, introspection, and learning some more lessons the hard way for me to grow and get beyond being like that.
it took kind people, being real with me but emapthetic with me as to what i was doing, my logical failures, and how i was making someone else feel.
I was like this with the girl after the first girl i wasl ike that with. I was sorta like this in college. But someone in college kinda opened me up to myself and my faults at that time and helped me grow quite a lot and i haven't been like that sense. In fact I'm trusting and jealousy free to the point it bothers my wife sometimes who isn't used to a guy being like that.
i dunno - that door for help needs to remain open for when people are truly ready for it.