hugs So much of what you're feeling I have felt/am feeling too. That feeling of disconnect and betrayal. I also shared all of myself with my wife. I told her, and still tell her, everything. I felt so hurt I didn't get that in return. I was mad that her internet friends, most of whom she never met irl, knew before I did. While things are so much better now, I know deep down I'm still healing and trying to forgive. I know it because when we talk about what happened or I listen to a sad song, all the emotions resurface and feel so fresh and I begin to cry.

I also have this feeling of resentment that she wasn't completely honest with me when we discussed eight years ago if she was possibly trans. The reasonings she gave me back then as to why she didn't want to transition weren't necessarily the actual truth, and she has told me more now so I have this feeling of like "why didn't you say this back then when we discussed it?" But at the same time maybe she just really didn't come to terms with it then, or wasn't ready, etc. etc., so then I get frustrated with myself for feeling resentful. Or maybe I feel "foolish" in a similar sense that you do, because I was so trusting in her that she really knew herself and that the one time we discussed it years ago and it never came up again until this past June, I just thought it was a done deal, like okay she thought about it before (made sense to me that she'd at least think about it since she cross dressed), but realized it wasn't what she wanted and that was that. So I feel foolish sometimes for having thought it was a "done deal" and I never even considered that it might come up again, like this feeling of how dumb was I to never think about it again.

So in a way I can get caught up in that, and while she says her sexuality won't change and she doesn't want to be with a guy, I have that feeling of like, well before I trusted her words back then and here I am trusting them again, am I really just so foolish and going to get hurt in the end?

It's hard now. I never had conscious thoughts of her ever leaving me before, but after all that has happened, I felt that break, that fragileness, how she "protected" herself by hurting me, and I just feel like I was a damn fool and so naive and I know I'll never have that sense of security again that I had for seven years before all of this happened.