Parents who emigrated to the U.S. from Mexico and did the best they could with the means they had to provide for my siblings and I a better quality of life than they grew up with. I never really appreciated any of that until recently and resented them for a long time because they were incapable of accepting me as a daughter with different moral values and perspectives. They don't realize that the culture I grew up in is fundamentally different to theirs and still find subtle ways to show their disappointment in me. I tried to do what I could to make them proud, but my academic achievements, profession, and charity work will never make up for the fact that I like to do things that aren't "ladylike". Going to rock shows, drinking in bars, profusely swearing when agitated, and making it clear that I dont aspire to be a housewife are things they frown upon. Feeling like I'm never going to please them is as upsetting as it is liberating. Sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes I hate my mom. I'm trying to just accept that it is what it is and I bite my tongue and hold back for the sake of avoiding altercations. Sometimes the slightest sign of disapproval is enough to trigger a full-blown family feud and I chew her out for suffocating me. My dad's great, though. Passive with the issues my mom and I have, but ultimately supportive of the fact that I'm trying my best to be self-sufficient and he reminds me that I'm a good person when I need to hear those words.

My parents didn't let me date in high school. Since I went to a local university, they were also restrictive during my first few years there. Now that I'm more in control of myself as an autonomous person, I actively avoid dating conservative and religious guys. An issue I'm currently facing is the fact that, while I adopt a liberal worldview and consider myself a moral nihilist who is very open to a lot of experiences, I am still a relatively inexperienced girl who isn't edgy enough for the crowd. Too wholesome according to more than one date. I never really find that I fit in seamlessly into any categories. Still struggling with personal identity and finding myself makes it hard to know what I'm looking for.