A little over a year ago, I fell in love with an actor. Had never heard of him before, but I kept seeing stuff online…. Fuck it, it’s Benedict Cumberbatch, and I kept seeing stuff online, how did Sherlock survive the fall, and at some point, I saw a photo of him holding up a sign for the photographers on set as they filmed, saying something to the effect of ‘go photograph Egypt and show the world something important’. So I checked out Sherlock, all seven episodes at once and became enamored. I watched everything else I could find; listened to his audio books, read interviews, watched the talk shows. I think it was the interviews that did it, I fell and fell HARD. I also spent hours on Pintrest collecting pictures, and one morning, on Pintrest, I received a message from God.

You know how Pintrest works, it’s like a huge bulletin board, and what I saw was one of those motivational poster things. “Dear Girl, don’t worry if you’re still single. God is looking at you right now and saying ‘I’m saving this girl for someone special’” And right next to that, was a photo of Benedict that someone else had pinned. So, of course, I believe it. It was my message from God.

I was completely in love, I envisioned our lives together, named our kids -three boys- they had personalities, talents and interests. All I had to do was wait. God would arrange it. I had faith.

And then last fall he got engaged, and I thought God had lied to me. I posted on the cumberbitches sub, they were sweet to me, and sympathized, but it didn’t help. Then they (he and his fiancé) announced she was pregnant, and I thought God was punishing me. And yesterday they got married. I don’t feel much of anything today.

I started therapy two weeks ago, just in time as it turns out. She has me writing letters to Benedict, - not for mailing, just for writing. I’m trying, but it’s really hard.

I guess I don’t have any advice for you, I really wish that I did, that would mean I was on the other side of this. Actually, I wish that it had never happened, that I had never heard of him.

Just know that you are not alone.