I'm not sure if venting/ranting is cool to post but I feel like giving up

I'm going through the same stuff you are actually. I live with my family and it's like hell...constant screaming and arguing. My brother and dad get into fist fights and shit. Just always hell here and I can't stand it mentally. Feel like dying cuz it never ends. Just feel mentally tormented. My dad is a really caring person, but after my brother almost killed my dad, he's getting kicked out. Thank fucking god. I live in a Christian home and used to go to church and stuff. I'm not out to my parents yet and I'm a little scared to do it cuz we're not all super close in this family...I felt sad and ashamed at church knowing that I'm gay and this place would judge me for who I am. I've been called the whole gay shit too. Dyke and faggot. All that stuff. I just learn to brush it off. Been trying to find a girl of my own, but every girl has turned me down and stopped talking to me for no reason. Though the date went good, other shit gets in the way. I even get ignored and that really hurts me a lot...it's happened to me so much that I feel numb. I just feel like no one will ever care or love me. I feel unloved. I know my parents love me and all, but I want another girl to love and care about me. Shower me with gifts and tell me she loves me. Some attention lol. I hate talking about my life sometimes to ppl cuz they say the same thing to me "it'll get better" pisses me off. I just learned to just get through all the bullshit and maybe one day something good will come out of it. Possibly make u a stronger person. Things are starting to change for me for a little. Starting nursing school and my brother is fucking getting kicked out..and there might be a potential girl lol...at least home will slightly be more peaceful. I wanna die sometimes, but I'm a little afraid to die so I'm sort of stuck ya know?

I play video games to help me take my mind off of it and make YouTube videos. I think u should find a hobby to take those things off your mind. nursing school will surely help me with that. Try to hang out with friends? I have very little friends IRL, but on the net I have a lot who love me lots. My parents and friends keep me going as well as my passion for video games and nursing. I hope u can try to find something that can make u feel better OP. I rly do know how u feel.

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