Thank you for reaching out to me. It always helps both parties when people start talking, so thanks. I understand how you feel. At least as much as I can. But please listen to me because you already know this, hurting someone whether it's you or another, doesn't help anything. I've always despised cheaters. I never understood how people do it but a few months ago I ended up cheating on my girlfriend of 3 years and spiraled down immediately. I became something I genuinely never thought I would and despised myself for it. I harmed myself a lot for it. But believe me, harming myself didn't help anything. What helped was coming to terms with my actions and changing. Changing the person I was for better. Talking to the people I hurt and trying to make amends. Even if you cant, the best anyone can expect you to do is try. There is always some form of redemption so please dont give up. No matter how you are yourself right now, you are a great human and you have value. Of you give up now, those actions that you regret may define who you were, but if you stay strong and keep going, you can be that person that you used to be or that you want to be. I believe in you.