True story. One time my friend and I were leaving a frat party (stupid mistake #1) and we got pulled over by the cops about 3 blocks later. My friend about shit his pants thinking he was going to get a DUI, even though we were always fairly smart about not drinking too much if we knew we were going to be driving (but still, it's hard to tell if you'll pass a brethalyzer if you're toeing the line of what the state considers to be sobriety)...

Anyway... We got out of that scare, and decided to go to IHOP to "sober up" before our hour-long drive home. Everybody who's been to IHOP after midnight on a weekend knows it can be kind of a shit-show. But never in a million years was I expecting a DUI scare to be the story of the night that took the back seat, but it did.

We were at IHOP for maybe 20 minutes (long enough to get our food), and the whole place turned into a grab-ass, soft-core orgy fest. Swear to goodness, the manager even came in to get in on the action.

Both of us were grossed out because none of the participating parties were attractive. I looked at my buddy and said, "Wanna get some free food out of this?" Because IHOP is so goddamned expensive, he obviously said sure, but didn't know where I was going with it. I instructed him to follow my lead.

I walked up to the cashier, he says to me, "How was everything tonight?" I said, "To be honest, total bullshit. We're just a couple of guys trying to have a good meal, but this place is a turning into a goddamned circus. You all should be ashamed of yourselves."

He looked at me, winked, and said, "You guys have a good evening" and we promptly left.

My buddy asked how I did that and how the hell I knew we'd get a free meal out of that. I said "Because that manager values his job more than our $50 ticket, that's why."

So yeah... Avoided a DUI (not entirely proud of being in that situation, btw, just saying it happened) and got free IHOP, and got to see titties (not nice ones, but still... saw titties). I'd say it was an interesting night for sure.