Fuck the delusional scouse cunt.
Goalkeeper
I’ve gone with Manchester UTD’s David De Gea between the sticks, not for any on-field howlers, but for making himself unavailable for selection at the start of the season. The club might have gotten off to a flier without all that Madrid shite
Left Back
This was a tough call, but I’ve gone with the boy Darmian from Manchester UTD. I think everybody expected the Italian to be less shite
Right Back
Hard to look past Manchester UTD’s Ashley Young for this position. Roy Keane said recently that Young isn’t a UTD player, and I think that’s not too far wide of the mark. He’s shite
Centre back
Martin Skrtel was in with a shout here, but I’ve gone for Manchester UTD’s Chris Smalling. In many ways he reminds me of myself at his age. Except shite
Centre back
I could have gone for Chelsea’s John Terry or Gary Cahill, but with Smalling in the other central berth, I’ve decided to pick Manchester UTD’s Daley Blind to preserve their shite partnership. It’s almost telepathic, how shite they are
Carragher's WorstLeft midfield
This was a tough call. Chelsea’s Eden Hazard was a contender, but I’ve gone for the boy Martial from Manchester UTD. He started brightly, before turning shite
Right midfield
There’s been a few contenders for this spot, but I’ve gone for Manchester UTD’s Juan Mata. He’s a tremendous talent, for someone so shite
Midfield
I’ve dipped back into the Manchester UTD squad here, and gone with Schneiderlin. The former Southampton man may have been found out at this level. Pure shite
Midfield
Chelsea’s Matic was in with a shout here, but I’ve gone for Manchester UTD’s Bastian Schweinsteiger. It’s clear now that the German’s been telling porkie pies about his date of birth. If he’s less than 40 years old, then I’m a chinaman. Pure Scheiße
False 9
I was tempted to pick Chelsea’s Cesc Fabregas here, but I’ve gone with Manchester UTD’s Ander Herrera. He’s not had a lot of game time, which isn’t surprising when you consider that he’s shite
Striker
Chelsea’s Diego Costa was in contention here, but I couldn’t look past Manchester UTD’s Wayne Rooney. They’re both fat porkers and shite, but Rooney’s just been a half a yard shitter and porkier
Honourable Mentions:
Marouane Fellaini (Manchester UTD), Memphis Depay (Manchester UTD), Phil Jones (Manchester UTD). All complete shite