A blasphemous sodomite excommunicant lay preacher and countryside simpleton was teaching a class on John Wycliffe, known heretic. ”Before the lecture begins, you must get on your knees and worship Wycliffe and accept that he was the most divinely-inspired theologian the world has ever known, even greater than Thomas Aquinas!” At this moment, a brave, devout, mass-going Hospitaller knight champion who had protected 1500 separate pilgrimages and understood the necessity of the crusades and fully supported all inquisitorial burnings by the Catholic Church stood up and held up a consecrated unleavened host. ”What is this I’m holding, you Bogomil?” The arrogant preacher smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “Just a worthless piece of bread, you stupid Papist.” ”Wrong. It’s the literal body of Christ. If it was just a piece of bread and consubstantiation, as you say, is real… then no one would be venerating it.” The preacher was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Wycliffe’s English translation of the Bible. He stormed out of the room crying those Lollard crocodile tears. The same tears lollards cry for the “illiterate” (who today are so lavished with sacred images that they scarcely have any need to read) when they jealously try to claw the justly-earned privilege of reading the Bible from wise and holy clergymen. There is no doubt that at this point our preacher wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist heretic theologian. He wished so much that he had a sword to run himself through from embarrassment, but he himself had given up arms and taken a vow of nonviolence! The seminarians applauded and all swore loyalty to the local bishop that day and accepted the literal presence of Jesus in the bread and wine. A dove named “Papal Authority” flew into the room and perched atop the crucifix and shed a tear on the chalk. The Nicene Creed was recited several times, and God himself showed up and banned vernacular prayer across the country. The preacher lost his tenure and was banished the next day. He died of the plague and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity. Amen. Post Scriptum: End the Schism