I was the exact same.

I once was walking into a class in high school as a girl my age was walking out. I watched her walk away down the hallway, and was just imagining what it would be like to be her. Well, the guys in my class were all like “OHHHH, deadname was checking her OUTTT!!!” and they all were going crazy. And I remember thinking, huh, I guess I was! And I just smiled and sat down.

That happened in HIGHSCHOOL. The fact that I still was so confused about that so late in my life still bothers me lol. I should have taken the hint also, that the girls that were most like me were the ones I wanted to be around and thought I felt romantic attraction to. As I’ve transitioned, though, I’ve realized I’m very romantically attracted to men and probably just asexual. Things slowly make more sense over time as you start to live within yourself and aren’t always trying to live through someone else.