Yes, those letters are awful. I myself was a recipient of three of them by my ex, and handfuls, handfuls of them, by my ex's ex. They were part and parcel of months and months of abuse, emotionally, physically, etc. But my ex doesn't see that the abuse he experienced in mirrored in what he and his ex did to me. Not a day went by, for over a year, when I wasn't confronted in some way by their direct, indirect, or residual actions. I think if you are confused and baffled, you might want to seriously examine all that's happened. I agree: I cannot be with my ex, because he was so utterly cruel that he nearly killed me. I was pushed backwards on stairs, nearly fell feet over head. I thought my neck would break. That's after he choked me, twice, and that's after months and months of being threatened and screamed at, called the most vile names, by both of them, enduring cheating, and her lording that cheating over me and announcing it on her blog, while I had to hide my relationship with him because, as usual, he wanted to protect her but didn't care how I felt (as she made clear). I shouldn't have agreed to try again after all he and she did to me. But unlike him, I've always tried to forgive; I always thought if we BOTH actually worked to understand each other's hurts, form an alliance, get rid of triangles, which has meant pulling third parties into our relationship (first his ex, then his colleague), which is so so damaging to attachment formation and building of trust, we could learn to empathize, work together, and build a real foundation so as to combat these dysfunctional patterns that have led us to both be incredibly cruel at times. But I see now through your example, that you're right: I couldn't live with myself either. And his reactions to me only signify that I'd endure more abuse and cheating and triangulation as he attempted and failed to deal with guilt and blame. What he doesn't see is that those ways of dealing with guilt (anxiety) and blame -- retribution, escaping to third parties, etc. -- rather than seeking the assistance of a couple's therapist, and working together, is not unique to us, and doesn't mean we are unfailingly cruel people. These are patterns that have happened in dyadic romantic relationships since time immemorial and the way to fix them is to seek help to break those pattners. So the question really is: who does he love, what does he think is worth it, and does he really think that deontological ethics is the right way to assess people's behavior? If the answer is: not me, and no, it's not worth it, and yes, he is guided by deontological ethics rather than seeing things in context and relational dynamics, then yes, parting is better. Anyway, I posted about this myself. Sorry to take up your commenting space. Goodbye.