That's the problem. It's not just confusing for you. It's confusing for me as well. It's not a game or anything, nor am I trying to be dishonest. it's just, some one asks if you're fine and you immediately say yes because nothing is wrong. It's like how some one says sup and you respond with sup.you don't think about it. Then they push and my mind starts racing because they asked are you sure and my brain is responding with 'yea. I'm sure. Am I sick? No.Am I mad? No. Am I sad? No. Am I hurt? No.Am I upset? No. ' so I say yup I'm fine because there's nothing actually wrong. Then they ask again. They can see it in my face that I'm not fine. And now I don't know what to say. Nothing is wrong. There's nothing bad. I just...I dunno. I can't put it into words I'm just not. Not fine. Not bad. Not good. I'm not. And I'm wondering now that something is wrong with me because I felt like this just last week. And they push more and now I'm getting anxious, and they push more and now I'm getting frustrated ...Because IM FINE. There is nothing wrong. But I'm not.

I spent a lot of time in high school like this. Then I spent a lot of time like this when I was on bc. Now I have days like this once or twice a year. Not often. But I am fine. It's not your fault. I am telling you. I'm being honest. I actually sat down and talked to my boyfriend about it because I realized that I needed to think of what I wanted to say, and think about how I felt, before being able to say something. Catching me off guard was going to get an'I'm fine'response because I didn't know what else to say. Sometimes I just didn't have the words and I couldn't figure out what to say. It's like someone asking what you were thinking about and you say nothing. There was something there, in your brain, but it was just background noise and you would have to think for a bit to be able to figure out what it was, so you say nothing because it was nothing. My 'not fine'feeling was so small and unimportant it was just back ground noise and I can't tell you what it was. Maybe I'll sit down and think about what it was later but right now I might as well be trying to grab smoke.