Honestly man, I feel you on this, the best advice I can give to you no matter how nerdy it sounds is to take up some sort of video game and strive to become the best at it. It takes your mind off of everything as long as you keep that as your goal. I stick to alcohol whenever I get slightly depressed and watch YouTube when I'm not in the right frame of mind to play games to the best of my ability as to not affect other players.

I'm pretty pissed (drunk) right now, but really, it helps time go past - and any suicidal thoughts you may have - just try and block them out, there's definitely at least one person out there that cares about you and if not, I'll happily speak to you about any issues that you're having.

Drugs and alcohol are fun, and can make you forget about your issues for a night or two, but at the end of the day you need to confront them. Your life is a gift and no matter how bad you think it is, even if it gets worse - The possibility of it getting better increases.

I've gone through the same things that you have, maybe not the xanax but I know what you're feeling and really you just have to remember that, as many people say "suicide is the permanent solution to a temporary problem." You don't know what tomorrow has in store for you, and it could always be exactly what you're looking for.

I don't know what else to say and I could be more articulate with my words but really - If you need some advice or anything! message me. I love you man, keep strong and have the best time you can tonight :)