I literally have no friends.

I have a different problem. I have a deep-seated dislike of almost all family or friends in my life.

I hate almost everyone including myself. I obviously never express this to anyone but it's there deep in my heart. The feeling that everyone casually looks down on me and doesn't take me seriously. I feel like I'm never a first choice. I have huge self-esteem and insecurity issues but I have to never talk about them to anyone because words make things real, and if they knew how much I hated myself I would be disliked and distanced from even more.

Girls don't like guys with problems and friends don't like friends with issues.

I'm not a very likeable person and I feel like I just never fit in.

I want to have a careless love for people but I hate everyone and myself too much.

I hate the potential that all my friends are fake but I'm actually the fake friend that people should hate.

Killing myself is a romantic idea but I think it's easier to live and see if it gets better. I wouldn't be able to see people's reactions to my death if I was dead anyway, and that's the fascinating part. I think nobody would really care too much cuz I'm not a very interesting person.

I believe I don't deserve to be alive.

/r/DotA2 Thread