Living like a hermit because you're socially incompatible with the vast majority of the people in your area.

I purchased a home in a town where I dont know anybody. That was about 5 years ago (and it was done to keep me close to my daughter after a bad divorce...and it was the right move after 5 years of reflection and consequences).

I have 2 friends now....one is a 26 year old guy and one is a 64 year old lady. I was able to pay off my share of the house by working every day that I didnt have my daughter....and I didnt miss out on much by doing so, because I didnt have anything else to do anyway.

I accomplished all of the things I set out to do by buying the house here. I have good jobs with good bosses, I see my daughter regularly/all I can, my home is paid for and I have money in the bank.

I have ALWAYS been a pretty extreme introvert, but I also always had some friends. Now I dont hang out with anybody.....this is a small town and I DONT EVEN KNOW A "Single" WOMAN MY AGE. Between me, you, and Reddit....I havent been laid in over 5 years.

There are a million other things like that, but I bring that one up to illustrate how bad that can be. I am immune to loneliness and I require an element of solitude, but I never wanted to go 5 years without getting laid.

I walk the park by myself, I go to movies by myself, I do everything by myself and am in public quite a bit. All 3 of my jobs are customer service jobs (bartending and waiting), and Ive never had problems getting laid as a bartender (17 years).

My point is....there is a level of isolation, or a symptom of extreme isolation, that will still leave you unfulfilled. I am seeing this with other/older extreme introverts I know as well (I have plenty of friends, but I dont live near them anymore). Your "hermit rut" will become a comfortable place to be, but dont let it become something akin to an addiction or something you can no longer control. My customer service jobs keep me "social" and "in the mix" to a worthwhile degree...and I get paid for that time. It is a nice arrangement for me. I still say "yes" to invitations that I feel like saying "no" to...and I keep myself eligible for those things (a big list) that wont happen on your couch. It isnt about "coming out of your shell"....it is about never letting yourself fall behind/out of touch with society. You have to know the language and how to communicate with those people...you have to be able to thrive in THEIR environment and under THEIR rules. Ive seen "love of isolation" turn into fear of people. Ive seen decorated Vietnam War Sergeants turn into people who couldnt get through a job interview because of anxiety, Ive seen bubbly ski instructors fall into a comfortable/introverted rut that has become crippling Agoraphobia, and Ive seen nice bartenders not get laid for 5 years.

Enjoy your solitude...find your happy place....but beware of ruts and letting society pass you by.

/r/introvert Thread