3. Looking for anyone who has been through what I'm going through

Looking for anyone who has been through what I'm going through

Most of the time ATM I'm realizing I have a great situation based on the circumstances. But my head keeps going crazy with guilt randomly and just wanting to not exist.

She told me that she talked to her mom telling her about her situation. This is the first time she's mentioned to her mom or sister that things aren't fine between us. I'm glad for it. I have realigned my goal of being with her, to my goal being to improve myself. To never drink again and to keep my job and do what I can to be a role model or at least be there for my boys.

I explained everything to my boss and I can keep my job I did get a doctor note for "flu" just in case and he just put that in and said to not worry just keep focused. I have an appointment right after work today to meet with my doctor. I called crying yesterday cause I didn't know if I need to see him or a therapist to see if me being on adderall is right.

Side note, things have never been perfect for us. When I started taking adderall for ADD about 2 years ago they got worse. I was drinking a bit less and I needed to be able to focus on my work with it. However it makes me almost emotionless. I put an intense value on garbage like trophies in ps4 and it helped like focus on getting work around house completed but I didn't make any time to spend with wife like maybe a few hours a week and my sex drive was just gone.

I was going nuts yesterday trying to figure out anything in this chaos and I thought maybe I'm a sociopath? I looked into it and half of it matched I always try to guilt her into getting my way and I don't feel many emotions generally. But I realized I felt plenty of emotions before adderall. That's why I called doctor and he didn't have any time this week except during day. I said I'd lose my job if I left to meet so he is meeting with me out of his way and I'm so thankful

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