A lot of middle-aged women grew up in an era when how we looked hovered over us constantly and it was before procedures, cosmeceuticals and injectables. We were conditioned to be competitive in the looks department despite the diversity of our jobs or careers (big difference between the two back in the 1970s and 80s), our socioeconomic status or education. Much of our values hinged on how good looking we were and how committed we were to staying 'beautiful' at 40 which today is the new 30.

Now, there are what are know as 1551s and 1661s. How do I put this elegantly? I can't! We look 15 or 16 from a foggy distance with our backs to the viewer and close up, we look like youthful 51 and 61 all botoxed with silver or grey hair which I might add is in pristine, shining condition and often grown long.

We are embracing aging but we are just as toxic as we were back in the yuppie days when we were doing tertiarary education, flogging ourselves at aerobics or discovering new cultures...et al.

Age and menopause are not the levelers they used to be, a time that older women shared together as we progressed from being 'youthful' to being 'accomplished'.

I buy clothes online from companies which cater to all ages and the older women look like silver-haired teenagers. I have to remind myself that while the garment looks inviting to wear, I have to also think to myself 'but look who is wearing it.' It's demoralizing and only serves to remind me that I can try harder and do better. I speak only for myself here. Maybe I speak for others.

I have internalized misogyny thanks to my upbringing, fashion, media and even the Alternative Hippies my mother hung out with were policing what I ate.

I wish we middle-aged women would be gentle on each other but the conditioning has stuck, it seems. We seem to be more brutally judgmental of other older women as we are of ourselves.

My mother, whom I estranged myself from many years ago, was always referring to other women as 'ugly'. That projection was going to destroy me if I didn't GTF away from her and begin to heal and love myself and other women as we are.

In a healthy way, I envy young women now. You seem to have such a more balanced view of what being 'beautiful' means but all of us, young and old, have a very long way to go when it comes to establishing such a shallow equality that is only Skin Deep.