How exactly are you trying to save the relationship??

Are you in therapy or you think your old self (fake self) can be back every time she wants to leave you?

You are all over the place. Maybe you should more self reflect..

(Would do better, back to the negative, I know I can be, more serious THEN EVER, she wants us, she can go (not you), I want her but I don't know, no clue, I know this would help her, I want things to get better)

Obviously you have no clue but what are you doing to "save this relationship"? (You as person.. no all words no action, but actually doing, working on in the present time?)

Btw definition of insanity:

“doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.”