It was the first time you two have a date right? Which kind of makes it ok to hold hands, if you both wanted. The kiss? Maybe too fast if you really wanted to get to know each other. Why kiss on the first date? ANd dont get me started with sex. So yeah, everything was too fast but its seems that you both wanted it that way. So i dont really blame you. But maybe if you have kissed her more or do more foreplay you would have notice that she was not enjoying it. It sounds like you just put it in.
Anyway, she explained she had her own traumas (which would have been nice to know after a couple of more dates).
Something similar happened to me and Mary.
We met when we were 17. We lived in different cities so we only went out a couple of times as friends who worked together for 2 weeks. Our relationship was more like an e mail relationship. Then she started showing interest in me. We had our first date and it was amazing! BUT we still lived 5 hours apart.
A year later she moved to my city... I couldnt believe it! We went out and it was great! I was too excited and she was veery nervous but it was amazing. The kisses, the talks, the hugs... I was in heaven I swear. One day I brought her to my house and we kissed a little. We were alone. We were both really nervous and then she said "if I wasnt so mature and organized I would probably take off my clothes now" I didnt know what to answer so I just kissed her with my tongue in her throat. Unfortunately grandma came by and ruined everything hahahaha.
A couple of weeks later, after a couple of more dates, she said she was going back to her city, but we knew that was going to happen.
Months later she called me out of nowhere, i was in a bus. She said she missed me and she loved me. I loved her back. i loved her since the moment I met her.
Months later she tells me she is coming for a weekend to my city to do a 2 day study course. She needed a place to stay and I offered to rent an apartment or a hotel, she said either was fine. So the hotel was easier and cheaper. We stayed there only for two nights. We didnt do anything the first night, she came very late and was very tired so she went straight to bed.
Second night we had lots of time for dinner and then making love for the first time.
It was the first time I undressed her, she was more beautiful than i expected. She was fit, not sure why because she wasnt an exercise maniac and didnt practise any sports. I kissed all her body, touched her everywhere and worshiped her as a goddes, she was shy and a little surprised and embarrased with all my complements.
I told her I wanted to give her oral before we had sex and she agreed. She confessed she didnt have much experience related to sex, basically only had a couple of experiences with 2-3 guys and then her 3 years relationship exboyfriend, who was like 25 at the time, we were 20. I told her it didnt matter, no need to perform greatly, just to enjoy each other. I tried to calm her down because she was very anxious. Thru talking, kissing and touching slowly I finally calmed her down and she enjoyed the oral sex. She kind of finish and said she was ready to make love. I told her that was too fast and I enjoyed licking her a lot so I wanted to keep doing it for longer. She kind of accepted but kind of finished again very fast.
Then she explained that she never have had an orgasm, that she only had micro orgasms but that was it. She didnt want me to lick her anymore, she wanted to have sex now. So we did.
It was amazing for me... I have never enjoyed sex this much. After only a couple of minutes, probably 5, she said she had micro finished again and asked me if I had finished too. I said I didnt but I could finish fast if she wanted. So we switched from misionary position to doggy style. The view was incredible and the feeling even better. I was about to come when she asked me if I wanted to change the position and I said no, I was enjoying it like that and I was almost done. I finsihed 10 seconds later.
After sex she got quiet and started to cry. She didnt say what, didnt want to talk. I just hugged her and touche her back. I covered her and let her sleep.
Next morning she didnt want to talk and instead of spending the whole day together as planned she wanted to go to the bus station and leave as soon as possible. She didnt want me to go with her but I did anyway. We didnt really talk all the way and she left. After that we never talked again.
That was almost 20 years ago and I still regret everything. I dont understand what happened but I feel that the r word is still in her mind. She never told me it hurt or it was humilliating or that I should do or not do something. Dont know what happened and I never will.