Me 24 F with my fiancé 24M 3 years. He doesn't understand me wanting to spend Christmas with family.

Thought I'd share my story which may help you see things from a different perspective.

My wife and I spend a few days with her family every second christmas. They live interstate, so we alternate between my and her family each year. She usually only gets to see them every two years and I understand that it's really not much time for her to be spending with her family but it's the best we can do given cost/distance/time constraints.

I try and be as supportive of her as possible, but this is the part I find really difficult. Her family are completely different to us in every way - I really struggle to find any common ground with them which makes for a very long, difficult few days. Conversation is difficult and we quickly exhaust superficial topics. She is usually preoccupied catching up with all of her relatives which mostly leaves me to my own devices for large parts of the day. I've also made my wife aware of feelings of resentment I have towards her family as none of our efforts are ever reciprocated by them. We travel to see them at great expense and bring plenty of gifts. They have never come to visit us, nor do they give gifts. I have accepted that this is just their way, but it also upsets my wife who usually builds up the whole trip only to be dissapointed. You'd think she would have learnt by this stage of her life as her family have never really supported her, or been actively involved in her life as she was growing up. As you can see xmas can be quite a stressful time for both of us.

I'm not suggesting your fiances experiences with your family are anything like mine with my wifes. I'm just saying that my wife wouldnt have known just how difficult it is for me if I had not have communicated with her. We have tried a few strategies to make it easier for me to cope.

He probably has a reason for his actions. I'd guess there is more to it than simply the start and end times. Just ask him about it. Ask him WHY? You may need to be persistent, but you may be suprised to find out that for whatever reason, xmas with your family may not be much fun for him.

/r/relationships Thread