Holy fuck, your husband is living outside his means. By extension you are as well. You both need to cut down and start budgeting, like holy fuck emergency time.
My husband makes 130k or so with free healthcare, lunches/coffee/snacks, and discounted public transit. Well, actually we both make that. Why? Cause we are married. I do our budgeting, so I know how far 130k can be streached. We live in San Francisco, so our rent is higher than your mortgate yet we don't spend like your husband. He is sincerly living outside your means. this is where the stress is coming from...
designer suits?! 1k or so each. Unless his job requires it, no more 1k+ outfits.
No more coffee out. That is 20$ a week that can go to retirement.
No more eating out on a whim. 100$ per month, max. And 300$ or less for groceries and tolitries per month.
No more stupid talk. He is not rich, at all. Also, no wealthy people talk or do this. They are wealthy from being responsible with their money. Also, no one shares their income unless it is relevent. I.e. my post or me asking a friend if my husband and I save enough when friend makes same as us. No one should know what you make beyond parents or others who will sincerly help you.
holy fuck you guys did not save for a down payment yourself? Why? Well, pay it back ASAP. At least 1k per month should go straight to your parents.
6 months emergency fund. Do you have it?
Paying down mortgage early should be your goal.
Can you afford that trip when contributing to 401k, retirement fund, emergency fund, paying off parents fund, and other monthly expenses? Like 100%? My husband and I are in Japan currently. We saved up for the trip ~7 months before leaving, brought our tickets after our fund was saved. We set a fund for it on top of everything else. While in country we have a budget that we stick to based on that fund.
You need to be future oriented. Money comes and goes. While you have some extra toss it in savings, to make it so when lean times come you will be ok. My MIL mentioned things randomly pop up you dont plan for, so start planning for them. Like I needed new glasses, 800$ expense as I am legally blind. No biggie cause we are ready for it. Same with me getting an interview and needed to buy clothes for it within a day. Or emergency cab fare to work or medical stuff. All of this comes up without warning. You should be ready for it rather than living outside your means on designer suits.
I could write more but im tired. Go to /r/personalfinance.