I wan't beaten bloody

I don't want to sound glib or harsh, but if you're waiting for him to beat you bloody... it's only a matter of time. The problem with waiting for that is he's just as likely to kill you while beating you bloody as anything else. Maybe if you're lucky, it'll just be some scars. If you're really lucky, you wont have any neurological damage, and you wont go blind or deaf from being hit near the eye or ear.

Mental health issues are not an excuse for physical abuse... as he has indeed hit you (TWICE. He HIT you twice. This is truth, no matter how much you minimize it) that's a sign his mental issues are not under control, the treatment he's having is not working to the extent it needs to, and you are not safe. IF it is his mental issues that are contributing to his violence, he needs professional help. You're not qualified to give that to him, and are a target until he is under control... of course, that is assuming its mental illness causing this. I'm not convinced. An astronomical number of people suffer from anxiety and depression, and they don't all beat their spouses. I think it's demeaning to people with depression to blame your husbands abusive behavior on that... I think he is personally responsible for his own actions, and that's all.

If he has the ability to be 'very kind' after being told that you're leaving... then really I don't buy the idea that his mental issues are the cause of his abusing you. He wouldn't be able to control himself if he were truly at the mercy of his mental health issues (especially in an emotionally charged environment like you threatening to leave may create)... but surprise surprise, when the chips are down all of a sudden he's managing not to hit you. He's managing to be kind, and sweet, and thoughtful. That means he's capable of that, even when under significant stress. Seems awfully convenient.

I'm not telling you to leave right now, but he wont stop hitting you if you stay. It might not be frequant... but it will keep happening. Are you ok with him giving you an annual sucker punch? This is totally your call, but keep in mind you can only pick one: be with him or be safe. Most marraiges include both of those things, but unfortunately yours can't and won't.

I'm really sorry, Op.