This seems like such a sad situation. You guys seem to have thoroughly used all tools available but there's a large problem that remains that is seriously affecting your marriage. With everything you've tried, it doesn't seem like it will ever improve. He may just be a very low libido person, and that's ok, but that's not compatible with what you need.

Thanks for this. I do really feel like we have tried everything, and it is so sad that it just isn't working. It has taken me months to even admit this to myself. I would start to believe it, then I would see some possibility - some way of looking at things, whatever - that I hadn't tried yet, and refocus on saving the marriage by changing the way I respond to situations. I recently realized that there is no amount of change that will work.

I have had therapy for myself, two different times with two different therapists. Both therapists did provide the validation you were suggesting - they both urged me to leave. I didn't, because I guess I wasn't ready to give up. I was so convinced I could change to save it. Now I am actually ashamed I didn't do something faster.