I've become too misanthropic to enjoy peoples' company, yet love and companionship is still something I desire above all else; but I cannot bring myself to pursue it anymore. The majority of people will not hesitate to throw us under the bus to get ahead in this wretched rat race and those not involved in it will always put their self-interests before our own; love, friendship, and camaraderie, it is all superficial, conditional, and transactional - they are glowing-hot coals and whomever grasps them inevitably winds up getting burned. I learned these lessons the hard way.

What a deplorable state of affairs. I wish I could shut off my emotions; they have proven useless in everything but suffering and the cultivation of misery. I am so dreadfully tired of yearning for fool's gold.