Memory is disappearing rapidly.

Hey man, as you can probably tell by my username, I've been a pretty horrendous alcoholic for most of my adult life. Your symptoms sound very familiar to me.

The past 8 months or so I had been drinking suicidal levels of alcohol and blacking out pretty much every night. Around the turn of the year, I noticed my memory and recall starting to get impaired (taking longer to remember a certain word, etc) but I was so caught up in the momentum of alcoholism that I went into denial.

Fast forward a couple of months, the impairment was getting more serious, but my family essentially told me it was all just a product of anxiety, so I kept drinking for another month. After a birthday bender, I felt like I could barely think anymore, and my ability to visualize and comprehend information was seriously impaired.

I stayed off the booze and started going to doctors, but they couldn't find anything wrong with me, and I couldn't afford a brain MRI, so I decided that it was alright for me to keep drinking, since things probably couldn't get any worse. I was wrong. I spent another few weeks suicide drinking, and at this point I can barely string sentences together in person. I used to have an extremely active mind just six months ago, a very vivid mind's eye, always analyzing things, coming up with clever shit to say.

All of this is gone now. My mind is always blank, and I have no internal voice unless I force it. Sometimes strings of nonsense words pop up in my head, but that's the closest to passive thinking I get anymore. I only get nanosecond flashes of pictures in my head when trying to visualize anything. I can barely focus on anything at all, let alone reading. My entire personality is gone. It's fucking mortifying.

You don't seem to be looking for advice or anything, but I'll tell you from very recent experience, if you continue to drink like that, it will get worse, and I don't know if it ever gets better. If you're able, go to a doctor. See a neurologist (I'm still working up the courage). Do anything within your power to cut back and cut out alcohol wherever you can.

/r/alcoholism Thread