I can't see an end to the pandemic. I went from being healthy and happy, going to the gym... There was an abstract sense that my industry was this noble place where dreams were made, creating things for an audience of people with open minds and hearts ready to be moved. There was an imagined promised land at the end of all this work, but I can no longer see it.

I can't see an end to this pandemic bullshit. My fitness has gotten worse, I'm not going to the gym, and my industry seems to be just a den of perverts, and self indulgence... Audiences seem jaded. No action anyone takes seems to be received as "pure". There's always some voice telling you why you didn't earn it, don't deserve it, shouldn't be commenting on it etc etc.

I want to be able to see another chapter where we're all creative, and listening to each other with kindness and curiosity and being inspired, but I'm not able to see that, and I'm not sure I'm capable of that myself at the moment. I'm reacting to good people with bitterness and it doesn't feel great.

Things are ok though. Healthy, business is going well, have a great partner who loves me. There's just a haze on the horizon that I just can't see past.