It was great. I won't share the details because they're quite identifying, but l'll say it was a surprise, there was no ring, and I loved it.

I didn't feel emasculated, or a sense of regret I didn't get to do it, etc. In general I am not big on adhering to social conventions around gender like that; I think they are more often limiting than useful.

I mean, imagine a wonderful person you love saying they want to spend their entire life with you and feeling... any sadness or regret about that? I don't want to live that way. Along the same lines we had a small inexpensive, wedding with just close family and friends. Minimizing drama and cost helped us maximize the joy.

I also think it may have helped that we were both in our 30s and had been living together for a couple years. If I had been 25 and dating for a year, I might have felt less confidence, which I think can be a source of drama that sometimes can happen with engagments and weddings.