It's made me unhappy.

Not because the material is disturbing, but because the material reflects reality.

The reality is that life is fucking brutal, the world is cruel, time is short, and if you're lucky...you just might get killed in the most mundane and unexpected way possible by no fault of your own.

I often times watch accident videos and focus on the seconds leading up to the inevitable NSFL money shot. I replay it over and over, retracing their steps...only to pause it at the point of no return. I watch the person, maybe through some grainy security footage captured secondhand on a snickering security guard's phone, as they go about what was their life. Maybe they scratch their head, glance at their phone, shuffle their feet as they appear to be having a meaningless conversation with another person just outside of frame...THEN BAM!!...they're fucking dead because of one reason or another.

Sometimes there's a brief deer in the headlights moment, where they gravity of the situation bears itself like an atomic bomb detonating in super slow motion. Maybe they futilely try to escape but in some kind of cosmic irony the invisible hand of fate delicately reaches down and their effort to evade moves them those two necessary steps to the right, putting them directly in the path of certain death.

I look at them with their blood stained pants and I see the well worn leather belt. I see how that day they missed a loop. I think about how earlier that day they pulled up their pants and threaded it through each loop except that one, just like they'd thoughtlessly done so many times before and figured they'd do so many times again. I think about how they went through the same routines that we all do everyday, without a thought in the world that in a few hours they will no longer exist. I think about how everything they did that day lead to that moment and how in retrospect there must have been so many different, seemly insignificant little things - all the micro events of life, that lead to this very precise and exact moment.

It makes me understand that there is no amount of paranoia or preparedness that can stop fate. Everything you are doing right now, your life, is the vapor trail of a comet on an inescapable collision course with an immovable object, and there's not a God damn thing any of us can do to stop it.

That...and that every day above ground is a good day, whether or not you are happy.