I think your husband is worried you will put 100% of your focus on your kids and neglect the romance of your relationship and yourself as well. He's phrasing it in a way that makes you feel anxious, but he's probably struggling to word things because he knows you are emotional right now. You're also looking for signs that your husband is unhappy with you, which makes sense since you haven't seen happy marriages modeled in your life and may be scared that your marriage is too good to be true, he is secretly unhappy, etc. Anyway, my mom did her best but she definitely made being a mom her entire identity and this was probably not great for her self esteem or for us kids since we often felt smothered and afraid of disappointing her. Moms who have happy marriages, their own hobbies and friends, etc teach really valuable lessons to their kids. Reassure your husband you will still prioritize him, your marriage, and your own self care. Everyone on this sub always says to go to therapy, but it's really, really helpful when you are trying to learn relationship skills that are different from what you saw growing up. Definitely consider it (either as a couple or an individual) as you and your husband navigate all of these big changes!